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For many years, my husband struggled with a bad pornography habit.
Did it affect our marriage?
Absolutely!
Did it cause a deep hole in my heart?
Yes.
Did I blame myself for my husband’s porn habit?
Yes.
I struggled with a lot of emotions in the midst of my husband’s pornography addiction.
For one, for many years he wouldn’t admit he had a problem, so for this reason I couldn’t help him. I tried for many years, but to no avail. In fact, trying to discuss it and find a solution only caused arguments and sometimes hurt feelings, unfortunately.
I wanted him to stop, change, and see me as the only woman in his life. Not the women he saw on the Internet!
Through the power and grace of God my husband eventually kicked his porn habit, but prior to this, I often found myself, hurt, lonely, and without anyone to talk or share my pain with.
However, I learned this lesson: While I couldn’t change my husband, I did my part to work on myself until I saw the results I wanted to see in him. While this insider secret I’m about to share is not a 100% guarantee for every wife, I do know that it changed me, and strengthened my marriage.
What’s important about this tip is that self-care is very important. Although this means you may not deal directly with your husband to take this next step, when you do take care of yourself first, you are working to protect yourself from further hurt and pain that your husband’s porn addiction could cause you.
This is not to say that you ignore what he’s doing. But it’s to say that you can reach out to a community that can help you to grow and heal until his change comes. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to tell every person that your husband is addicted to pornography, either.
As a Christian wife you can’t neglect this tip because it’s important to be part of a community of married women who love God and fight for their marriages. I say this because hearing other women share the stories and the steps they took to obtain success in their marriage will encourage you to fight for your marriage in a way that’s productive both for you, your husband, and ultimately your marriage.
So the next logical step here is to start with prayer and forgiveness. One of the things you need to do is take the step to forgive your husband for his porn addiction. And forgive yourself for not being able to solve this problem. Porn addiction is much bigger than you. And you cannot fight this problem on your own.
You need a community of strong women can help you through this process.
In addition, understand that your husband’s porn addiction is not your fault. In fact, he probably had it a long time before you met him. But in order for you to receive your healing the decision to forgive is mandatory.
Sometimes it’s hard to forgive on your own. I completely understand, but help is available.
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