If you had to rate your marriage on a scale of one to ten, where do you think it would fall? That’s a question that every man should ask himself from time-to-time just so he can evaluate where the connection between him and his wife stands. As you do this you’re likely to discover that your marriage isn’t ideally where you’d like it to be in an emotional sense. Many men share the complaint that they wished their wife cared for them more. That’s not to say that she isn’t in love, but those small gestures that showcase the love and affection that were once there, may have slipped out of sight. If you feel that your wife doesn’t care as deeply for you, in a romantic sense, as she once did, it’s not something that you have to live with indefinitely. All marriages can be changed if thoughtful effort is put into it. In this case, because you are the one who has recognized the marriage has shortcomings, you can be the one to roll up your sleeves to do the work necessary to change the dynamic of the connection between you and your wife.
Treat Her Exactly as You’d Like to Be Treated
Marriage is very much a give and take proposition. You both give to the relationship and subsequently, you both take from it as well. Sometimes, that dynamic can become horribly unbalanced. Your wife may put more pressure on you for her emotional needs to be met, while neglecting yours. Once this happens, resentment is quick to follow and the marriage ends up in a very difficult place in which one person’s needs aren’t being met.
If you want your wife to care for you in a deeper sense than she is now, start doing things for her that you’d enjoy if the roles were reversed. That can be something as simple as making coffee for her in the morning to giving her a bubble bath at the end of the day. If you become the husband that you know she wants and needs you to be, she’s going to feel more inclined to become the wife you dream of.
This goes beyond the physical though. You must also be kind to your wife and compassionate. This can prove to be challenging if your wife isn’t always this way with you. However, a marriage can shift very quickly to a much healthier place emotionally if one person sets a new precedence by being the one who is willing to give more. In other words, if you shower your wife with kindness and compassion, she’s going to feel compelled to return the favor and eventually, in time, she’ll want to initiate that loving behavior on her own.
Listen More to Your Spouse and Then Respond to Her Needs
In many marriages it becomes common place to zone out. It happens with couples who have been married just a few months and it also regularly occurs in relationships that are decades old. When your partner starts sharing their feelings, you may nod as they talk, but essentially you’re not absorbing anything they are telling you. Women and men are equally guilty of this behavior. Your wife may do it to you and subsequently, without you even realizing, you may be treating her very much the same way.
That has to stop if you want your wife to care more for you. You can be the catalyst for change by taking the first step towards embracing what your wife shares with you and learning from it. When she’s talking to you, don’t check your cell phone and don’t stare at the television set. Instead, remove all distractions and just focus completely on her. She’ll instantly appreciate this effort because it shows that you value her more than anything else at that time.
If your wife shares feelings with you that are difficult, don’t retreat and pretend that the issues don’t exist. If you become defensive, she’ll shut down and an even larger emotional divide will begin to form between the two of you. Marriage is all about learning to be a better partner so it’s important that you take your wife’s words to heart and view them as a suggestion for change.
Make it Clear That You Value Her as Your Life Partner
One reason that a woman will often give for pulling back from her husband is she’ll feel unappreciated. If your wife doesn’t show you the same care and compassion that she once did, you need to look at your own treatment of her. If you’ve stopped appreciating her or telling her how deeply you love her, that can impact not only how she feels about you, but also how she views herself as a wife and life partner. You must make it vibrantly clear to your wife that you don’t regret your choice to marry her and that you’d do it all over again if given the chance.
Women are notoriously in need of romance and if you surprise your wife with small gestures that reflect your feelings that can change her entire outlook on the marriage. For instance, doing something as simple as writing her a short note that says you can’t live without her, shows her that you’re thinking of her as a rare and valued treasure. She’ll cherish that note and you more for writing it.
It’s not uncommon for women to doubt their husband’s love as the marriage matures. If the couple doesn’t always verbally express how they feel, there can be emotional misunderstandings that turn into conflict that never ends. Tell your wife on a daily basis just how much you truly love and need her. She wants to hear it and it will help her feel more comfortable with the idea of investing herself emotionally in the marriage again.