Your wife complains. Most men would chime in and say that they experience the same thing at home. What is it about women? I should know since I’m a woman, yes? The complaining that your wife does has little to do with the issue she’s stuck on at the moment. You’ve likely figured that out already. Today it could be that you didn’t take the trash out and tomorrow it may have more to do with the fact that she’s always the one expected to cook dinner. Each day brings a new complaint and you’re rightfully tired of it. I know because men will often write to me on my blog and this is what they struggle with. They love their wives but the non-stop negativity wears them down.
It’s virtually impossible to ignore your wife’s complaining if it’s been going on for some time. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what’s driving it if the tone of it changes from day-to-day. By that I mean one day your wife may present her complaints in a somewhat sweet way by telling you that she loves you dearly but wishes that you could just put more time into that renovation project that you haven’t quite finished up. At another time she may be much more boldly direct and call you lazy while she mumbles under her breath that she wonders why she even married you. Obviously, the second approach is much more painful for you but regardless, any time your spouse is sending negativity in your direction, it’s a concern.
In order to get your wife to stop complaining you have to identify why she does it. There are a few different reasons why including the following:
Your wife is unhappy with her life. If your wife isn’t finding any fulfillment in her life, it’s going to start manifesting itself in her behavior. If she’s rude and uncomplimentary to you, it could very well be because she doesn’t like who she has become. That may, or may not, be a reflection of your marriage. As her husband, it’s important that you recognize if this is happening and you start working with her towards solving where her unhappiness and bitterness is stemming from.
She feels disconnected emotionally from you. Resentment is a fiercely personal thing and the way each of us expresses it is unique. Your wife may be allowing her resentment to manifest itself into a nagging and complaining attitude. If she feels that you’re not putting as much effort into the relationship emotionally as she has been, she will begin to resent you. You can typically tell if this is behind her actions if she rarely shares how she’s feeling with you anymore. She may just feel it’s not worth the effort to expose herself emotionally in that way.
She has a very controlling nature. There are times in each of our lives when we feel out of control. It may be during a difficult illness, a job loss or even some marital strife. One way some women deal with this is they try to control everything they can that is going on around them. If they can’t control certain things, they’ll put more focus on the things they can control. This is tiresome and trying for the people around them as they have to learn how to balance the demands of the woman against the compassion they feel for what is happening within her life.
You can help your wife move past her tendency to complain by talking with her about what the deeper rooted issues are. Be very gentle during this conversation and if she refuses to open up, don’t push her.
Use your inner insight as her spouse to identify what you believe is the core problem and then work to improve it. If you feel that she may feel disconnected from you, spend more time expressing how you feel about her and doting on her. If you suspect that she’s using control as a coping mechanism, ask her if she’d like to seek therapy as a couple. This can help you both not only deal with what is troubling your wife, but build a stronger bond at the same time.