“My husband is critical of me and it’s so hard to take.” So many women have uttered these very same words at some point during their marriage. It’s disheartening to live with a man who only seems to focus on what he thinks you do wrong, instead of everything you do right. It pulls at your self esteem, strains your connection with him and often makes a woman retreat into herself. No one should have to be subjected to constant demeaning comments. If you feel you are drowning in the negative emotions that come with living with a critical partner, there are ways to change this so your marriage can once again thrive and you can take comfort in the acceptance and love your husband has to offer.
You’ve likely heard in the past that people who are overly critical are really just looking to bolster their own self worth. This is true and could very well be at the heart of what is happening within your own marriage. Take a look at your husband’s happiness level. Is he someone who is content with himself? Does he seem more focused on the negative in life than the positive? If you feel that he’s always looking at life with a glass half-full attitude, this could be the main reason why he feels compelled to always be criticizing you. It may help him to feel more fulfilled as a person because he’s finding faults in you which bolster his own self esteem. In other words, if you’re not perfect, he’ll feel less impacted by his own shortcomings. It’s a horrible dynamic to have in your marriage but it’s not something that has to continue.
Chances are very good that you’ve spoken to your husband about what you feel in relation to his demeaning comments. If they’re still continuing, he’s obviously not understood the effect that they are having on you. If you constantly complain about his mistreatment, he’ll finally reach a point where he just tunes you out. Once this happens it becomes even more challenging to get him to change his ways.
Talking with him should certainly be your first course of action. It’s essential that you speak to him in a clear and direct tone when you feel that he’s stepped over the boundary. If he says something hurtful, address it in that instant. Stay in control and simply state to him that you feel that his comment was unwarranted and that it was hurtful. By not becoming overly emotional, you are showing him that you take this matter very seriously and want it resolved without all the emotional entanglements that typically invade conflict in a marriage. If you repeatedly state your disapproval of his critical comments, and he still continues to throw them in your direction, it’s time to try something different.
Often in life we have to take a radical approach to deal with difficult situations. Such is the case when your husband seems to be stuck on a track of negativity. You’ve heard the old saying about killing a person with kindness? You’re going to implement that idea into your marriage.
Beginning today you need to make your new focus helping your husband feel better about himself. This is going to be incredibly challenging in light of the fact that he isn’t being very kind to you. You must view it as an act of emotional sacrifice and as a method of breaking down the negativity barrier that he’s built around him. If you can take the necessary steps to help your husband feel better about who he is, as a spouse, it can change the entire dynamic between the two of you.
Marriage is a partnership and sometimes that requires much more give than take. Now is the time for you to show, through your own behavior, how a spouse should treat their partner. Do unto your husband as you want him to do unto you and you will begin to notice a chance in the way he interacts with you. By being compassionate, patient and persistent, you can help your husband transform the man he is into the man you want him to be. Your marriage can be more balanced, more loving and more enriching if you help your husband see how acceptance can elevate your connection to another level.