Hearing that your husband doesn’t love you anymore is probably on the top three list of phrases that you dread hearing the most. Unfortunately, many of the wives that I hear from have recently heard their husbands say these words. Sometimes, the husband will make this admission in the middle of an argument or fight. And sometimes, he’ll sit the wife down and try to break the news as gently as he can. I’m not really sure which is worse.
The bottom line is that no matter how he says the words, hearing that the doesn’t love you anymore is not only devastating, but it brings up more questions than answers. The wives who contact me about this often aren’t sure how to proceed. Many think that if their husband doesn’t love them anymore, then there’s really nothing that they can do other than to try to end the marriage in the quickest and most painless way that’s possible.
Although this situation is a very difficult one, I’ve seen it turn around countless times. Just because your husband has said something in the heat of the moment, this doesn’t always make it true. And, even if it is, I’ve seen the right strategy make even reluctant husbands “fall back in love” again. I’ll discuss this more in the following article.
Know That Although He May Well Think Or Say That He Doesn’t Love You Anymore, His Claim Is Not Necessarily Reality: Your husband may well mean every word that he says and may not even be trying to deceive you. But sometimes, he projects issues he’s having in other areas of his life onto what is convenient and there – like your marriage. This is called projection and it’s very common. This doesn’t mean that he’s happy with your marriage or that it’s perfect. In fact, his saying he doesn’t love you is often reflective of his dissatisfaction with how the marriage is going (at least lately.)
But there’s a big difference between being frustrated and wanting to get a reaction and truly not loving you anymore. Many women will try very hard to get at “the truth” about this or to define how he “really feels.” They’ll pester their husband to define the degree to which he doesn’t love them or they’ve constantly ask if he’s changing his mind. The truth is, you’re usually better off using this as a wake up call and taking action than worrying so much about specific definitions or clarifications.
Don’t Assume That His “I Don’t Love You Anymore” Declaration Means That The Marriage Is Over: Quite a few of the wives who write me give up on their marriage not long after they hear these words. They figure if their husband doesn’t love them the next logical step is to go ahead and let him go or get a divorce. The things is, the wife still loves him and we aren’t yet sure how he really feels as things are still explosive and fresh. There’s no reason to give up until it’s clear that you have to. Frankly, you’re likely still in the early stages and things really could go either way.
I’ve seen countless marriages recover from this and I’ve seen many men “fall back in love” with their wives as soon as those same wives began handling this correctly. One hurtful statement (which was likely meant to get a reaction) does not have to mean the end of your marriage. You can change this, but change can’t happen if you just give up or get so discouraged that you don’t take any action.
Getting A Husband To “Fall Back In Love” With His Wife: Even if we assume that the husband was 100% accurate in what he’s said, this doesn’t mean that you can’t return “being in love” to your marriage. People seem to want to constantly ponder whether they’re in love with their spouse. I probably hear from wives whose husband have told them that they love them but aren’t “in love” with them on an almost daily basis.
And, most people assume that when one spouse falls out of love, there’s really nothing that either spouse can do about this. An assumption such as this one is not only untrue, but it can mean the end of your marriage when it doesn’t have to.
To understand how people can fall back in love, you need to understand why they fell into it in the first place. People assume that it’s a sort of chemical reaction or fate, and while these things may factor into the equation, there’s many other things that go into “falling in love” as well. What attracts one person to another is quite individual, but it’s when the relationship is new and that both people are on their best behavior and pouring their time and efforts into the relationship that “falling in love” takes place.
And once it does, people assume that it’s never going to end and, after they marry, it’s easy to become complacent and to take these things for granted. After you’re married and have to handle all of your commitments and obligations, it only makes sense that you can no longer pour in the time and effort that you used to where your spouse is concerned.
This is completely normal and it happens in the majority of marriages that I see. But, it’s also very detrimental to those same marriage and it’s the most common reason that people assume that they don’t love their spouse anymore. The good news is that once you change your priorities and time allotments, the feelings will often change as well. As soon as you change your priorities so that you become the spouse that you yourself would want, this is when you see people “falling in love” again. Understand that most men want to feel understood, appreciated, and desired. If you can fulfill these needs in a genuine way, it’s possible that you’ll see those loving feelings return.
The chemistry hasn’t necessarily changed. No one has sprinkled magic or fairy dust onto the relationship. But what you put into it is directly proportional to what you take out of it. And the feelings elicited from it are typically directly proportional to the efforts that you put into it. Understanding this is the first step to returning the love in your marriage.