An effective discipline plan will take into account your child’s comfort objects, which is in itself a control pattern. By removing these comfort objects, your child’s behavior will improve dramatically.
So, what exactly is a comfort object. Well, you know them all too well, A blankie, pacifier or bottle, television, candy, rocking, maybe a favorite toy. Whatever it is, it is an external object or maybe even an action that can become addictive if not properly handled.
If you child cannot leave the house without their security blanket or pacifier, then this behavior is signalling a much more serious problem. Your child is using this behavior as a way to hold back emotions and he or she will use it again and again to keep the feelings from escaping.
This is your childs way of soothing their emotions away. Eventually however, these soothed away hurts and emotions will burst out in a display of anger and temper tantrums. In order to cope with these emotions, he or she will use these objects over and over to cope with the pain.
But, these same control patterns will cause your child to disconnect with their pain and emotions. This in turn will lead to insensitivity towards other people and their environment as well. Comfort objects are what children use to cling to that will distract them from their emotions. Through this clinging, your child feels a sense of control.
These are mechanisms that children use that allows them to connect with a pattern and not their parents. Every time your child gets angry or upset, they will reach out for this object or habit to help soothe away the pain or sadness. This takes on an addictive pattern as he or she uses the object as a crutch of sorts.
However, once you connect with your child and listen to them and their feelings, these control patterns disappear rather quickly. By listening to what your child is feeling, after some time, you will notice that they will no longer be grasping for their comfort object or display their comfort behavior or habit.
Probably the best thing that you can do is to get rid of the comfort object. Yes, your child will probably just establish another object or habit, and you will have to get rid of that as well. But if you follow an effective discipline plan that encourages listening to your child and staying connected with them, the control patterns will melt away.
Remember that control patterns are used by children to suppress emotional feelings. These patterns disrupt and prevent any true closeness and bonding between you and your child. And even worse, these patterns usually manifest themselves into adulthood, where addictions such as nail biting, food addictions, smoking and gambling become the comfort objects.
So, before you feel that by taking away the comfort object from your child will just make things worse, understand that by listening to their feelings and emotions you will be helping them release their pent up pain, which in turn will help them to give up their control patterns.