“Daddy!” yelled an excited little girl dressed in her pink pajamas.
“Hi Angel,” replied Greg as he walked in, scooped up his little girl, and planted a big kiss on her cheek.
“Daddy, I missed you!”
“I missed you too, baby.”
Greg’s smile dimmed as he turned to his wife, Hannah, “What’s for dinner?” he asked dryly.
“Are you kidding me? No hello? No how are you? You haven’t kissed me in a week, and you ask what’s for dinner? Find out when you sit down at the table. Or do you have another teleconference call tonight?” replied Hannah in a rather harsh tone.
Greg sighed, “Hannah, please don’t start. It’s been a rough day and I really don’t need this today.”
“Well what I really need is my husband.”
“I’m here. Aren’t I?”
Is your story like Hannah’s: a lonely wife who feels unhappy in marriage? Do you ever feel unloved, rejected, or neglected by your husband? Maybe you try to show love to him, but it seems like he’s pushing you away. Maybe your husband hasn’t kissed you in weeks and you’re starting to feel left out of his world.
You really need your husband’s attention and it would help if he would at least say, “I love you.”
While you may feel deprived of love and affection, do you ever consider how your husband might feel? Maybe he feels disconnected from you as well.
You may be thinking, “How can my husband feel disconnected from me when he’s the one who’s causing the distance?”
Let me ask you a question, “Have you taken the time to make love to your husband lately? So often as women we tend to shy away from sex. Whether it’s fatigue, children, frustration, or just a lack of desire, sex is still a major part of the marriage relationship.
What is sex in the context of marriage between a man and a woman? Sex is an outward expression of one’s love for his/her spouse. It involves giving yourself to your husband with no limitations in order to please him. It is an act of worship because it honors God.
Whether you realize this or not, your husband views sex as major issue in your marriage and when he doesn’t get it on a consistent basis, this can make him feel:
• Unloved by you.
• Disconnected from you.
• Rejected and vulnerable to the temptation of cheating on you.
• Downright grumpy!
(Do any of these emotions and feelings sound familiar?)
If this is the case then why do we hold back something that is so important to our husbands?
Unfortunately, many women see sex as an option because we allow the things such as work, money, children, our personal problems, etc. to take precedence. As a result, you end up with a sexless marriage and an unhappy husband who feels just as lonely as you.
As married women, we must make sex a major priority in our marriage relationships. We should embrace sex, enjoy it, and include it in our marriage on a consistent basis. Once we take our vows as husband and wife, we have no right to refuse sex or use it, (or the lack of it), as a weapon against our husbands, (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
What about you? Have you stopped having sex with your husband because of your hurt feelings, your disappointments, or a decreased sex drive? If so, here are some things you can do to make sex a priority and restore the spark in your marriage:
1) Pray and ask God to renew your sex drive. As a Christian woman, you have the power to talk to God about anything, including sex! Therefore, you can tell God how you feel about sex and ask Him to show you why your desire for sex is gone. Believe me, He really cares, (1 Peter 5:7).
2) Prayerfully talk about sex with your husband in an open manner at an appropriate time for both you and your spouse. Share your likes and dislikes. Also, deal with any past (or present) sexual problems you may have experienced such as molestation, rape, sexual addiction, pornography, incest, etc.
3) Study sex in a healthy manner. There are many Christian-based books on marriage, love, and sex. Three books include:
The Song of Solomon – (the book in the Bible) by King Solomon
The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
4) Get a deeper understanding of your husband emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually. Knowing how your man ticks will help you to initiate intimacy in a way that is appealing to him. This can also lead the way to good sex!
5) Get some rest. “I’m tired,” is one of the biggest reasons we give for not wanting to have sexual intercourse. For this reason, make sure you have the energy so you’ll be awake, alert, and ready to give your best during sex.
6) Refuse to have “Pity sex”. This is a term my husband coined which means sex without emotion, passion, or desire. In other words, you just open your legs and lay there while your husband “does his thing”. The problem is that your husband can tell that you’re not enjoying it, which can cause him to feel unloved and disconnected from you. As a result, this doesn’t help to strengthen your marriage at all.
7) Set up some time and just do it…with passion!
If you’re feeling disconnected from your husband, lonely or rejected, then consider how he might feel. Maybe you’re depriving your husband of the one thing that helps him to feel loved by you: sex.
If you can do your part to initiate sex with your husband, chances are he will open up his heart to you and give you the love and affection you’re craving.