Women will commonly ask, even unconsciously, what they seek in a man they wish to call their husband. Men will do the same regarding a wife. But for women they seek a particular kind of husband. They need a husband with potential: to grow, to adapt, to lead softly, someone who is already committed to working on themselves, and to be a man in an old-fashioned sort of way.
But there is such a fine line in all of this seeking. For those with husbands already, there is a temptation to coerce their man into becoming a sensitive-new-age-guy. This is fraught with danger, because no man wants to be coerced, just as no woman does either.
For those looking for a potential husband, perhaps the most important clue is identifying within the man they are interested in, the character traits showing them as committed to working on themselves. Are they goal orientated toward virtue? Do they seek to become better people as they grow older? Are they improvement oriented? Are they willing to see themselves as wrong?
POTENTIAL IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PERFECTION
By far what is most needed in a husband is potential and not perfection. A woman’s intuition is sated more by the man who fails but has a heart to try than a man who supposedly never makes a mistake.
As far as husbands go, and wives features for this too, perfection is significantly overrated. In the realm of relationships – whether alone with ourselves, or, in this case, in marriage – perfection is unheard of. And if perfection is strived for, we should connect with it a sense of sinful pride. It’s wrong to want to be perfect or to expect perfection from our mates.
Perfection and relationships don’t mix.
The typical woman’s heart is melted by the sincerity of the man’s diligence to do his best. She, at her best, doesn’t push him; she never expects perfection. She learns not to groan in the face of his failures. She learns not to give up. Whilst her husband is trying, and shows potential, and is not harmful, she remains by his side, believing in him.
RECOGNISING POTENTIAL AND GOOD EFFORTS
A great many marriages can be enhanced simply through positive feedback; the recognition of good efforts where recognition is due. Perhaps the perfectionistic wife, who groans often, might dissuade her husband’s better efforts. He learns early on that the effort isn’t worth it. His potential may well have been quenched. The fire for effort in this husband’s heart needs to be rekindled by a supportive and encouraging wife.
The wife focusing on her husband’s potential, however, commends him for the things he tries, both little and large, for the intent behind his actions. A husband with potential is much more about intent and virtuosity than being perfect in every way.
When the husband with potential is recognised for the intent behind his efforts he is encouraged to continue to work on his self-improvement.
Women want and need a man with potential, who is committed to working on themselves; not the perfect man. Their intent and their efforts in the relationship are supreme; their results are secondary. Failure is not a game-breaker. Men should focus on trying first and foremost.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.