Christ the Initiator, The Man the Initiator: Advice For The Young Man and Woman Considering Marriage


It was a full thirty years ago when I used to listen to Gary S. Paxton who would sing these words. “He was there all the time…….He was there all the time……waiting patiently in line……He was there all the time!” I feel I know of a certainty why those few song lyrics are still today so clearly retained in my memory. It is because I perceived them to be SO VERY TRUE. I can not speak for another, but in my case, the memories of the Lord Jesus by the Holy Spirit convicting me of sin and drawing me unto Himself, are some of my very earliest memories. I only called out to Him after He first, for an extended period of time, had been drawing me unto Himself. Jesus spoke of this truth to His disciples in John 15:16. You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit is the initiator. He takes the first step in establishing a relationship with every person, and this truth is not only true as He draws people to Himself for salvation, but it is true all of our lives long as we walk with Him. That is why the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and do of His good pleasure. This friend, is the working of grace. There is no good thing that we have, but that His grace did not lead us into it. Yes, we have had to respond in order to receive the benefits of his grace, but that is the nature of the relationship. He is the initiator, we are the responder.

Like Christ, Like The Man

In like manner the man is the initiator, while the woman is the responder. Remember now, in this article we are exploring how Christ and the Church are to be pictured in the husband-wife relationship. In fact, we are saying that by the great genius and power of God He created the man and the woman to be individual MORTAL LIVING PICTURES of Himself, and that which is His highest prize, the Church. So that in looking at the lives of a husband and wife, who by the Holy Spirit live according to God’s commandments, you will see a picture of Christ and the Church. Sometimes we will use the terms man and husband interchangeably, and the terms woman and wife interchangeably. This is because one can not be a husband until he first comes to manhood, and one can not be a wife until she first comes to womanhood. To begin this comparison let’s look at the Bible verse we quoted earlier and see what wisdom we can gleam from it. As in the case of Christ, so it is given unto men to take the initiative. But let’s consider the motive behind Christ’s action to take the initiative and call us to Himself, and this was done before any of us ever called out to Him. I could easily use a hundred Scriptures to bear out that His singular purpose in regards to initiating a relationship with any of us is to know us, and to lift us up, and see us re-created into what we were created to be in the first place. (before sin entered the world) He only initiates good. In like manner a suitor calling on a woman should only have her good in mind. If his motives toward her are not good and pure, to bring into her life blessing, then that man’s ways are wrong, and he is to be avoided. Christ the Lord calls us, and ordains us to bear much fruit and purposes that that fruit remain. It is Christ’s purpose that every Believer’s life be full, and all together productive in every good work. This is to God’s praise. In like manner a suitor needs from the beginning to see all the potentiality in a perspective wife. How that their lives together can amount to great things in the Lord. How that she can be positively affected by being a wife to him, to be all that she can be. If a man calling on a woman does not see this, then he should not engage a relationship, but leave her to another. The wise and faithful suitor understands that one day he will be held in account for all the decisions of his life. So the prospect of taking to himself a wife is no small thing. So for him to choose a godly and wise wife will bring forth blessing and honor, in both this present life, and the life that is to come.

Tips From Jesus

Some tips we can learn from the Lord Jesus. If we look at the manner in which He approached any, and all who are His, then we can derive wisdom as to how a man should approach a woman to enter a relationship with her. Christ, although ultimate in power, and Lord over all things, is still a gentleman. All of His approaches to me through the years have always shown Him to be a gentleman. He does not mock, or poke fun at. He has never ridiculed or belittled me. He has never put me in a position of comparison to another that I might be embarrassed, or caused me to feel inferior. Rather, though the years, He has always endeavored to open to me the greatness of what I was created to be. Gently, but persistently urging me to overcome what I was, that I did not want to be, to become what I was meant to be. He has always opened the door for me. The door to every next situation in life I have seen Him to be there opening it for me. How be it, somethings it was only after the happening that I was able to see His hand. So young woman before you “tie the knot” with a man consider very carefully. Has the man who is interested in you bothered to develop these traits? Do you keep fellowship with the type of people who hold these qualities of life to be of great value so that you have reasonable hope of finding a man of virtue? Do you trust God enough to hold out for Him to provide this type of man as a husband for you? Please also know that although I speak thus concerning the great general patience of the Lord Jesus, there will be in the end shown to be “two sides to the coin”. Christ always shows Himself as gentle to those He is drawing to Himself, even though we may be slow in responding. But to the soul that loves sin, in the end Christ will not be seen as gentle and compassionate, but will bring terror to those who have chosen to remain His enemies. This also is a picture of the wrath that can be found in a man’s heart when betrayed by a woman.

O Man, You Were Created As A Picture Of God

Young man, just like Christ is the initiator you have been created to be a picture of this reality. It will be expressed in your life to a young woman. This is good, it puts you in the lead, and she in the position of following. Which is a picture in itself of Christ and the Church, for He is the head, and the Church is the follower. However, I advise you to take a very careful and sober look at this calling (responsibility) that you have by nature of being a man. Please do not think that one can have a calling without responsibility. For they are like right and left hand. A calling, with all of its hopes and ambitions, are the right hand, but responsibility, with its searing sense of the possibility of loss, that is the other hand. So I say to you young man lead away. For this purpose you were created. However, do not lead without thought as to where you are going, or the manner in which you lead. For we will now speak of some of the grave consequences of that which you may initiate into the wife you choose. For you are the initiator, and she is the responder. So lets look at some of the chemistry of how that will work out.

With The Prospect Of Pleasures, There Needs Also To Be A Deep Awareness Of Responsibility

Have you ever noticed before the term husbandman being used to mean farmer? You will find this in old English literature. To me it is very obvious why they did this. For a husband, in his care and dealing with a wife, must do the very same things that a farmer must do to bring forth from the earth the crop that he wishes. It has never been an accident that farmers bring forth crops unto harvest, and it will be no accident husband for you to “cultivate” and “nurture” your wife to see her blossom into the woman, and wife she is meant to be. For he who initiates is the same as he who sows seed. The woman being the responder is the one who receives seed. God created it this way, and if you are wise and skillful you will use it to good, but if you are ignorant and foolish it will turn bad. This I promise you. In the Bible book of Genesis, chapter one, the story is told of the Creator creating the first man and woman. It is expressed that she was created to be a “help meet” for him (her husband). I will take the liberty of using the word completer in place of the words “help meet”. For that is truly what a woman is to a husband, she is a completer. What you bring to her, initiate, or sow into her, you will find that in a different season (which may be as little as five minutes, or it might be months or years) she’ll return it to you very greatly developed, and if it was good seed in the first place, you’ll often see it extremely better for use and enjoyment. But if it was bad seed in which you sowed, you may likely be unpleasantly surprised at how the seed you sowed was multiplied back to you.

A Husband Dealing With A Wife In Wisdom Will Find It Returning To His Pleasure and Honor

A farmer sows a seed of wheat. It is “lost” in the soil of the earth. In the darkness of the field it is turned into a new life. It is given a new body. It will grows up, and in time, and with proper care, it will often offer a return to the farmer of a hundred fold, or perhaps even more. The husband sows the seed of his body into his wife. This is good, very good, and is in itself is a picture of the intimacy of Christ and the Believer. All the strength of nature itself promotes this action, and within the bounds of God’s laws it is very good. He sows the seed of his body into the blind darkness of the body of his wife. There by God’s power it is given unto her to be able to experience the generation of life. This life is supported, protected, and nurtured by the man’s wife for what is called the duration of pregnancy, and then she delivers a child into the world. She then presents back to him who provided the seed, the outcome of his seed, a new child. Please note that in this action there is also basic and very important wisdom. As the farmer owns the field, and as his cherished possession, he studies the field, and all things that pertain to it, how that he might within the confines of God’s laws reap the very greatest crop from the field. Also the crop as an enduring relationship with its “mother” the field, but it is owned by the farmer who will decides its destiny. In like manner the wife by God’s law is owned by the husband. When he sows seed into her, the fruit that she brings forth, although forever related to its mother, is subject to the father. He, under God, is lord and master over all of his house. Even as a field can not usurp the farmer’s control over the crop. Neither can a wife usurp the control over the children that she has borne to her husband. We will speak more completely of these things at another time. Let it suffice for now to know that as a Believer possesses all things with Christ, in like manner the wife has right to all that is her husband’s, but only under his headship. A husband presents a house to his wife. She takes it, and puts herself into it, and turns it into a comfortable place of abode. A woman is given a clerical, or secretarial, or craft, or decorating assignment. The man knows that it needs to be done, but he likely doesn’t have a clue as to how to get it done, let alone done right. Therefore, he gives it to a woman to do. She takes the seeds of that assignment and turns it into something wonderful. I imagine we’ve all seen this over and over again. In like manner a husband will sow into the soul of his wife words, actions, attitudes. These are received into the wife. They experience a time of germination within her, and if they are good seed to begin with, then they will produce a whole new “plant” which will bear multiple fruit of joy, gratitude, respect, loyalty,submission, and the such like. But woe to a husband who sows bad seed into the soul of his wife, for these seeds will also (unless she is an incredibly godly person who is able to lay them all at the feet of Jesus and forgive her husband over and over again) germinate in her, and bring forth a crop of attitude and vice that a husband does not want to see in a wife. Things such as anger, impatience, self will, forgiveness, bitterness, lack of loyalty, lack of tenderness, lack of sexual desire, etc, etc.

So let us walk wisely knowing that we were created in the world to be to God’s praise, and this same wisdom holds out the greatest hope for faithful men and women to experience abiding marital joy.

A Watchman,

Gregory A DeHart

To get more out of this article please consider: Gen chapters 1&2, Gen 3:16, Jn 3:16, Jn 3:36, Ro 2:4-11, Ro 7:4, 1 Co 6:16-17, Rev 19:7-9


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